Friday, July 30, 2004

Where Is Richard Littlejohn ?

He's vanished from the Sun website. He's not answered my email (most unlike him). Has he been kidnapped by an organ of State power ? Is he being questioned in a Home Office basement ? I'll have to ask David Aaronovitch and see if he knows.

Or has he been exposed to some Kryptonite to create the uber-Littlejohn that is Barry Beelzebub ?

I have to thank Mr. Free Market for bringing Barry to my attention as I don't live close enough to Brissle to read the Evening Post.

BB on women in the workplace :

"This column you've just sent through. Have you any idea what it might do to us?"

I vaguely recall dispatching 1,000 words earlier that day musing on the position of women in the workplace. Surely this can't be the reason for the late night call?

Well, apparently it is. In fact, Mr Ed is so panicked by my entirely reasonable views that he's ordered the Evening Post's emergency stock of "skate-boarding dog" stories to be rushed out of storage to fill this space. Even the legendary "newborn baby who looks like Brunel" expose is put on stand-by. Even if he is 27 by now.

"I cannot carry a column arguing that women have no place in the workplace and should stay at home bringing up a family," continues the Buckfast and Vimto-crazed loon.

"We cannot say that they're mere opportunists who get pregnant as soon as they get a job and then leech off the company for years after.

"And if we do, every mercenary female in the building will be accusing me of leering at their baps by the water cooler, of failing to give them a pay rise for turning up on time for five continuous days, and before you know it we'll be up before an industrial tribunal forking out several thousand quid to a mad woman with a bad attitude, twins, women's troubles and bats living in her hair."

At this point, I make a burring noise and replace the receiver.

Just the titles of his other articles are enough :

"Tantric Sex and the Women's FA Cup"

"Should the poor be allowed to breed ?"

"Soap-dodgers, shirt-lifters, shirkers and social workers"

"Why don't Big Issue sellers dress better ?"

I hereby add Mr Beelzebub to the Commentators sidebar. He can just squeeze between Polly and Yasmin. No touching now, girls !

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