Britain - Terror Spreads Following Reports of "Failed Coup"

Sud-Deutscher Zeitung, London : There are reports from London tonight of increasing repression, following what has been described in ruling circles as a 'failed coup' by Ruprecht von Murdoch and Obergruppenfuhrer Brooks, the rabble-rousing, charismatic leader of the feared "red-tops", paramilitary wing of Murdoch's 'Neues Internazionale' (NI) organisation.

Brooks' 'red-tops' muster several million fanatical working-class readers, and have increasingly been seen as a revolutionary threat to the aristocratic ruling elite, who have held power behind the scenes through different political administrations. It is believed that Brooks was shot this afternoon after her arrest yesterday, but this is not confirmed. What is known is that mass arrests continue, and that the bodies of a number of senior NI personnel have been discovered.

In an increasingly violent and hysterical speech this evening, a haggard but triumphant HochGuardianista Reichsgräfin von Toynbee, propaganda chief of the ruling elite, called for further action against enemies in the press. "Murdoch - kaput ! Brooks - tot ! Jetzt muss der Daily Mail auch kaput werden !" The whereabouts of the leader of the 'TagesPost' or Daily Mail faction, Paul Dacre, is giving increasing cause for concern - he has not been seen since he was bundled into a car by unknown assailants as he left work yesterday. The newspapers premises were cordoned off by armed police yesterday, following the replacement of the capital's Chief of Police by a nominee of the ruling party, and journalists are said to be 'too frightened' to attempt to enter their former workplace.

As reprisals become more indiscriminate, it appears that elements in the ruling faction are taking the opportunity to pay off old scores. It was reported this afternoon that the body of Margaret Thatcher, who as Premier suppressed the so-called "Scargill putsch" in 1985, has been found in woodland near Beaconsfield.

Queen Abdicates As Crisis Spreads

LONDON, July 18 - The Queen of England and the United Kingdom today announced her decision to abdicate, following the 'Millygate' phone hacking scandal which has seen a number of prominent individuals step down from their posts.

In a short statement released by the Palace today, the Queen said : "The recent revelations have saddened me more than I can say. I have always tried to do my duty by this country, but on this occasion I have fallen short of the high standards the country rightly expects. It would be wrong to hide behind the fact that I did not know - I ought to have known. It happened on my watch, and the buck stops here - at Buckingham Palace".

Earlier in the day the governing body of English cricket, the MCC, announced that they were to disband themselves - a spokesman saying that "In the current climate, when such appalling disclosures have been made, it is unthinkable that we should continue to devote ourselves to what is in the end only a game. As token of our most earnest and sincere contrition, Lords is to be demolished and the outfield sown with salt."