Monday, July 18, 2011

Queen Abdicates As Crisis Spreads

LONDON, July 18 - The Queen of England and the United Kingdom today announced her decision to abdicate, following the 'Millygate' phone hacking scandal which has seen a number of prominent individuals step down from their posts.

In a short statement released by the Palace today, the Queen said : "The recent revelations have saddened me more than I can say. I have always tried to do my duty by this country, but on this occasion I have fallen short of the high standards the country rightly expects. It would be wrong to hide behind the fact that I did not know - I ought to have known. It happened on my watch, and the buck stops here - at Buckingham Palace".

Earlier in the day the governing body of English cricket, the MCC, announced that they were to disband themselves - a spokesman saying that "In the current climate, when such appalling disclosures have been made, it is unthinkable that we should continue to devote ourselves to what is in the end only a game. As token of our most earnest and sincere contrition, Lords is to be demolished and the outfield sown with salt."

7 comments:

dearieme said...

What on earth makes you think she's Queen of England?

Anonymous said...

I'm considering abolishing myself and leaving all my moneuy to the Guardian and BBC as I can't help hoping Murdoch wins so I am plainly satanic.

Steven Brown said...

The Most Humourless Response Award goes to the above...

Steven Brown said...

The one *above* the one above... :-D

Steven Brown said...

Oh you know what I mean! :-D

Anonymous said...

Cheers dude. I'm the satanic lackey of the yellow press. That said.....I think healines like 'Bonkers Bruno locked up' (Given as an example of NI venality by Newsnight) deserve somthing worse than a custard pie.

Burger Flipper said...

To Anonymous at 6:57pm:

I agree. As a committed Guardian reading, C4 watching, BBC worshiping, Labour voter I'd suggest the worst ever Sun headline was "Jungle Bunny Does Coke" (re:Naomi Campbell's drug habit) - totally shameful!