I might start keeping a record on how long it takes someone to blame 'the left' on every single sodding CiF article. haardvark wins the prize this time, by pointing out that the author does work for New Labour, and is therefore a representative of the hive-mind of everyone with socialist leanings.
Anyone can play. Just find something you don't agree with, and define it as 'the left'.
What a good idea.
You can get a run for every time somebody blames "the left", "the right" or "Fatcher".
A four any time blames "Major" or "Attlee".
And a wicket every time somebody points out that the Nazis were socialists.
"I seem to have wandered into a Daily Mail forum" - continual padding up to a leg spinner? Not worthy of dismissal but tiresome for all involved.
"This comment has been removed" - 20-20 cricket. Repugnant and a sad indictment of the times....
Just goes to show what right-minded people have been saying since it was first played - cricket truly is a metaphor for everything in life.
How about virtually every comment ever made by the blessed MrPikeBishop?
Opening the batting as regal, Ganguly-esque Viceroy of the Libertarian Free Town of Mogadishu - looks the bowler sternly in the eye, watches him hawklike as he steams down to deliver, canters forward to slog him back over his head ....... and BLAM! splattered wicket! How's that for a slower ball?
I'm still looking for a "middle peg uprooted cartwheeling toward the wicket keeper"-type clean bowled. I suspect the Daily Mail might be there or thereabouts. Godwin's Law could be a sneaky glance for a couple to fine leg.
Ah, but it depends on the pitch and the bowler. On any Russia thread, 'war criminal Saakashvili' sends them flying. 'Sky Pixies' on anything by Theo Hobson. And if Woolly's bowling, 'Nutty Troofer Denialists' on any global warming thread. Similarly, if Politicus is up, I'll have 'Russophobia', please.
Brilliant, and you're absolutely right, of course. Something dull and worthy by young Rowena Whatsername is a slow, low turner, not much life in it, making for a brisk day in the beer tent.
Whereas... a Polly Toynbee, Inayat Bunglawala or Julie Bindel effort is a veritable West Indian firecracker of a pitch, bouncers, rattled slats and bruises all over the place, rivetting viewing.
Oh, and Martin Wainwright is Headingley. Obviously.
Bah! I've just googled 'scantily clad school girl' and have ended up on this fascist Nulla-Bore rant. That's five minutes of my life I'll never get back.
"And gillesboy trudges back to the pavillion, bat under arm, eyes on the big screen, a solitary streaky single to his name..."
Bindel would surely be the 'Murali' of CIF? Generates a lot of results but from a rather shameful technique.
"Many commentators say KillingTime produced one of the finest innings of CiF cricket ever seen in this country. Indeed, only socialistmike managed a higher score in the game's brief history, although it has to be said that the pitch (a truly dreadful piece by Harry Phibbs) was a gift to a "buzzword batsman" of his calibre."
Yes i think Tatchell is a competent Harmison.
Who would the mods be? What sort of life draining, souless, spiteful, po faced, narrow minded, cowardly, spineless, sniggering parasite of the thinking mans game could possibly be worthy of the honour? Glen Mcgrath?
In fact, perhaps the mods would be rain clouds, inconsistent, sometimes nowhere to be seen, sometimes virtuously balanced and scattered, but always threatening to completely ruin a game with a sudden downpour of misery.
I havent got high hopes for the life span of this post, a youngster suffering cruciate ligament damage to the knee perhaps....
And so on .. and on .. and on .. England hasn't run out of good men yet.
Max Gogarty - Don Bradman. Quite simply a legend
Cathy Elliot - Jack Russell. Stubborn, small, can be prickly but plenty of character and bundles of belief
Bindel - Monty Panesar. Not a journalist who has written 33 articles for the CIF, but one that had written the same CIF article 33 times
Ariane Sherine - Brian Lara. Walks on with a breezy grin and proceeds to demolish the record books
Charlie Brooker - Merv Hughes. Scowling Curmudgeon who puts you in mind of a particularly pissed off ee-yore.
John Harris - Darren Pattinson. No-ones quite sure how he ended up getting picked?
Ally F - Shaun Pollock. A ginger, consistant all rounder, who doesn't miss much.
I dont know what PMSL means, someone help me out goddamn.
Mendoza on Gogarty/Bradman - one of the finest comments i have seen on CIF. Spot on, Goggarty was in a class of his own. That was the most brutal onslaughts i have ever witnessed. I'll bet that was more of an 'experience of the real world' than any amount of wiping rhino's arses in the Congo. His thrashing became a news story in itself.
Come on chaps, who is the Tendulkar of the below the line team? Who consistently wields a vast array of prohibited words and sophistry, who is the master of the trade? SocialistMike doesnt count, he only used two words, racist and fascist, he just uses them so often they are more punctuation.Boycott? Tricky one....
And there's another beautifully taken boundary from Dave Swift - he really has got himself well and truly set now.
For those just joining us, it is a lovely day at Honeyball and the visiting "below the line" team has clocked up 208 shortly after lunch. No wickets yet, in spite of the rather uneven pitch, and some spirited bowling by NaturalBlond.
I'm joined by Swifters, Reillers and Jamo, and we are just tucking into a lovely Dundee cake sent up by a Mrs Elliot, currently stranded in a train near Truro.
In the meantime, the commentary will be taken up by Benelers.