When female friends come to me looking for insights into the behaviour of males—which usually means the males they are about to, are currently, or have just been going out with—I point out that most of the ones I know are simpler than Duplo™ and that no imaginative and sensitive interpretation of their actions is necessary.
“He hit me last week . Do you think that it might be because he’s still be upset about his sister dying when he was twelve?”
“No. It’s because he’s a cowardly, bullying ****. Dump him. (And please let me be the one to give him the bad news.)”
We men are as complex and multilayered as any randomly selected dwarf from Snow White. We are so inept at disguising our natures that we might as well have hoardings floating above us saying things like “kind-hearted”, “unreliable”, “generous”, “bastard”, “affectionate”, “bashful”, or “Sneezy”.
Or as Mrs du Toit puts it :
They don’t use words as a way to manipulate others. There is no hidden agenda. They’re just telling you what they are thinking, right at that moment. It wasn’t because they had a run in with a coworker, or something you said three months ago, or they watched a Hallmark Movie of the Week that caused them to reflect on their lives and relationships.
One of the differences twixt chaps and ladies is that when she says something, even the simplest thing, there may be a subtext - which we, being literal, don't pick up on - much to their disgust. The same thing happens in reverse.
"Is (whatever it was) done ?"
"I had to stay over time with patient X and then school called and I had to pick up Y and Z called round because she wanted me to do W"
"Is that no ?"
"Look, don't start blaming me ..."
And he only wanted to know if she'd collected a library book or got the new tyre on the motor. A straight "no" would have done.
This sentence may optionally be preceded by 'For God's sake !' and succeeded by "I meant 'is X done?', not 'why didn't you do X ?'"
"I'm not blaming you - I just want to know if it's done, that's all. If I was cross I'd say so" .
Reverse scenario.
"Is (whatever it was) done ?"
"No. The garage was running late and it was gone four when I got back"Two somewhat icy hours later, the exact timespan depending on degree of awareness ...
"Is something wrong ?"
"Look, you knew I wanted (whatever it is) done today because ...."
All part of life's rich tapestry I guess.
