Reality gives satire another shoeing.
Nearly 200 prisoners and former inmates forced to stop taking drugs by going "cold turkey" are to receive payments.
The unspecified settlement followed claims the practice amounted to assault and a breach of human rights.
The claimants had been using heroin and other opiates and were understood to been receiving alternative treatment before going to prison.
The Home Office said it "reluctantly" decided to settle out of court to "minimise costs to the taxpayer".
How long before burglars sue after they're imprisoned and forced to stop breaking into houses ?
In another slapping for satire, Life Style Extra reports that Sofian Majera came here from Rwanda in 1997 "to escape the violence".
Pedro Frota, 19, Sofian Majera, 22, and Robert Lincoln, 18, all from east London, admitted 17 robberies.
The court heard they cruised London at night armed with guns, knives and baseball bats looking for victims.
People they kidnapped were stripped of their valuables and warned they would be tortured or killed unless they handed over their pin numbers.
Threats ranged from being shot and having their throats slit to their eyes being gouged and being burnt alive.
The jury was told the gang broke the arm of one victim who was so frightened he could not tell his attackers what they wanted to know.
Francis Sheridan, prosecuting, said it was made clear homophobia and racial hatred occasionally played a part in the selection of victims.
Jamaican national Lincoln, 18, from Barking, and Rwandan Majera, 22, from nearby Dagenham were ordered to each serve seven years.
Portuguese national Frota, 19, also from Barking, must serve six years and three months.
They had 36 convictions between them, so it's probably another early release triumph for the probation service.
While we're looking at peoople who'll do the jobs the locals don't want to do, disturbing news from the leafy Carmarthenshire/Cardigan borders.
Police are continuing to investigate allegations of a serious sex assault in a west Wales village.
Detectives said "a number of males" had been questioned about the alleged attack in Llanybydder, Ceredigion, early on Saturday.
As part of the inquiry the High Mead Arms Hotel was cordoned off, and a police mobile incident unit set up.
According to local people, the business closed a few years ago and the building has been used for some time to house workers who have moved into the area.
The Dyfed-Powys Police statement did not say how many men were detained or what allegedly happened.
"workers who have moved into the area", eh ? Probably doing the jobs the locals won't. We all know how high local wages are in that part of Britain, and how many unfilled vacancies there are.
One hates to criticise the BBC, but they do have a track record of being a bit coy when it comes to people who enrich our economy. Let's try a google. Aha !
Police arrested a number of men and cordoned off the Highmead Arms in Llanbydder, Carmarthenshire, near the border with Ceredigion, following allegations of an attack in the early hours of yesterday.
Locals fear the arrests will cause tensions within the hamlet, which is home to a large number of Polish workers, some of whom were housed in the former pub-turned-hostel.
It is believed a mother and daughter from a neighbouring area made the complaint.
Residents claimed they had returned to the village with a group of men they had met on a night out.
But .. but ... I thought they were all good Catholics !
Since Poland entered the EU in 2004, some 250 nationals have settled in Llanbydder, whose population is just 1,500.
Dyfed-Powys Police said "a number of people" were in custody and were being questioned at police stations in Ammanford and Haverfordwest. A mobile incident unit has also been set up.
Police would reveal no further details about the alleged assault.
Pamela Burke, a member of Llanybydder & Rhydcymerau Community Council, said the large number of Polish workers had caused tensions with young locals when they first arrived.
She said: "It's normally quiet here. It's a nice little village.
"This doesn't bode well for the communications within the Welsh and the Polish communities here.
"It was terrible a while back, but that was all sorted out and it's been perfectly OK since. I worry that this will cause friction with the local youths again."
Llanybydder is a Welsh-speaking village which straddles the River Teifi.
Don't worry, though, the police are "providing reassurance" - something the BBC can report.
Police chiefs have laid on extra patrols in a village where they are investigating allegations of a serious sexual assault.
Officers said they were not looking for anyone else in connection with the incident and appealed for calm.
A force spokeswoman said the alleged attack was an isolated incident which occurred within a residential property, but extra police patrols were being laid on to provide reassurance.
It's a sad thing when you have to read between the lines of a BBC report, but when it comes to people who do the jobs the locals won't, you have to.
Her's a translation of the above story, not from the Welsh but from BBC-speak.
"The locals are pretty cross about this. The patrols aren't to reassure the locals that no more serious sexual assaults will take place, they're there to reassure the locals that any attempt to 'have a quiet word with' the 'number of men' who have been bailed will have consequences. The cordon round the hotel is to protect the bailees."
Another good Catholic here. I do like the Met's response. Got to keep a sense of humour about these things.
Kamil Krawiec, 26, has been convicted of attacking an eight-year-old boy in the toilets of a restaurant.
He has not been seen since being given a 10-month suspended prison term on 21 April.
A Metropolitan Police spokesman said the delay between the disappearance and appeal was "not unusual", and officers had been trying to trace him.
At his sentencing, the judge at Blackfriars Crown Court ordered that Krawiec remain under supervision by the probation 'service'. and his details be placed on the Sex Offenders Register for 10 years.
They didn't send him to prison because they need the prison spaces for serious offenders.
Polish-born Krawiec pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting the boy in a restaurant on 9 December 2005 where he was working as a waiter.
The child, who was having a meal with his family, had been attacked after he went to the restaurant's toilets by himself.
The boy went to the toilets by himself ? The defence probably pleaded provocation.
The Last of the Greats
8 hours ago