Barbie Tarts and School Uniforms

A Guardianista praises the blazer and tie. Never too late I suppose. She's not too keen on girlie culture either.

"The current passion for reintroducing uniform is at least partly because school heads see no other way round the current BarbieTart look: nine-year-old girls in FCUK T-shirts with "Juicy" appliqued to their tiny bottoms. Actually, I'm in favour of uniform purely because it lessens French Connection's profits. I find myself wondering alarmingly often if there isn't a way the company could be prosecuted, for living off immoral earnings or something, for their massive and hideously irresponsible contribution to the nation's crashing hurtle into total vulgarity.

Here are some T-shirt slogans I've seen on the street recently: FCUKing like bunnies; Big Dick (See Below); Stop Staring At My Tits; Remember My Name (You'll Be Screaming It Later) - oh God, I can't be bothered to go on. "

When my daughter and I were at the seaside recently, we saw a family whose daughter (10? 11?) had the slogan 'F*** Off - I'm Fussy' on her shirt. They weren't typical underclass - no visble studs or tattoos - Dad wasn't shaved bald, Mum didn't have vast hoop earrings bought from the Seti Surplus Store. Just ordinary folks.

It's difficult to slag off little girlies for reflecting the culture around them. On the subject of which, the Guardian notes the death of TV executive Andrea Wonfor, who 'stamped her mark on British TV'. You said it.

She leaves behind such culturally enriching landmarks as The Word (whose influence has long spread from TV to magazines like Zoo and Nuts), Byker Grove, Eurotrash and a largeish output of 'ground-breaking' TV production featuring women swearing and talking about sex. Before she came along, no-one knew that women did any of these things.

In her own not so small way she helped get the 'Porn Queen' t-shirt onto the chest of many a chavette.