Dealing With Burglars - Guardian Style

Well, obviously you mustn't do anything to upset them, says expert Professor David Canter, but the Guardian's Prisons Correspondent has even more practical advice.

Just barricade yourself in the bedroom (shame about the kids down the hallway), and most important of all, always leave something valuable for them to steal.

"I would leave a relatively valuable, portable item near entry points. Addicts often look no further than the next fix, so there's a better than even chance they will gratefully accept this speedy answer to their problem".

It's at such times that I wonder if Tony Martin was sent by God to a nation unworthy of him. Listen again to the good professor.

"I run workshops with bank and building society employees and I ask them why they might feel the need to adopt a heroic role. Some people feel angry or insulted that they can't protect themselves, colleagues or family against a burglar. The question you really need to ask yourself is, do you want to be a dead hero for your loved ones?"

30's leftie pin-up La Pasionara addressed this question.

"It is better to be the widows of heroes than the wives of cowards!"

If only David Canter had been around in 1936 to put her right. And what a moral pygmy is today's Guardianista compared to his counterpart of 70 years ago.

She had a couple more relevant quotes :

"It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees".

"No Pasaran !"