Wednesday, November 10, 2004

"Four more years of industrial death and insanity"

I've been looking forward to this one. AL Kennedy on the US election results.

Scott Burgess is also impressed.

Thanks to the Dumb One for a link to this, some of the funniest stuff I've seen on the Menace Of The Christian Right.

"If we take one of George Bush's speeches, for example," he told Diane, "and replace every mention of 'God' or 'faith' or 'family values' with phrases like 'Jesus hates fags' or 'Kill the abortionists', it paints a very different picture from what the Evangelicals want the American people to believe about their extremist agenda."

"Surely," Diane asked incredulously, "you aren't suggesting that the religious-right encourages violence against homosexuals?"

"In a recent study at Evergreen State College," Platz explained, "we sat several so-called 'christian conservative families' in a room under the pretense that there would be a free screening of Spongebob Squarepants. Instead, we presented a series of gay porno films from the late 70's. Sensors attached to the subjects registered alarming levels of discomfort. Several participants displayed an almost simian instinct to protect their young - shielding their children's eyes from the screen or even threatening the projectionist with physical harm. Apparently, the Christian concept of 'brotherly love' doesn't extend to people who practice it physically."

Diane touched her pen to her lips, her trademark sign that the guest has just said something deeply profound.

"Is there any correlation between these so-called "morals" and strange, pointy-buildings that many conservatives are seen entering on Sundays?" she asked.

Liberal Larry is as great a genius as AL Kennedy. I'm not sure I can tell the two apart.

"Four more years of war. Four more years of innocent women and children burned alive by U.S. smart bombs designed solely for that purpose. Four more years of not being able to enjoy Paris in the summertime without being showered with spittle. Four more years of unchecked environmental destruction. Four more years of the wholesale shredding of the Bill of Rights, with Asscroft peeking at my library records and innocent Americans being dragged off to Gitmo in the dead of night."

And I love this.

Tears welled in my eyes as I sat out on my balcony last night, watching the sea of headlights slowly moving north on I-5 towards Canada. Thousands of my amigos, my comrades, my brothers-in-arms had packed up their VW vans with anything they could smoke and were heading for higher ground. Artisans, actors, poets, musicians, bong craftsmen - a rag tag fleet of rebels on a lonely quest to find their homeworld.

Yesterday, I bid farewell to my best friend Travis, who was sailing to China on a raft made from empty soy milk cartons tied together with macrame'd hemp rope.

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